idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize