His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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