is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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