if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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