There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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