I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
