My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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