There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
