cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
