dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
