Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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