Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
