Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize