I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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