I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
