sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
