your parents love me but you hate me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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