vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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