I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
