I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we're making bets on your personal life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
