Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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