SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
