i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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