morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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