who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think people are normalizing furries
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
