Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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