I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was a blind-side dick pic.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize