You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize