a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
