i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
