i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
