ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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