why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
