What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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