Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
