I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
