I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
