I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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