I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize