Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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