Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
