I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You can't motorboat a personality
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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