before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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