Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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