i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
