I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
