If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We have started to decorate penises.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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