I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
