oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
