your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
