those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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