just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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