I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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