I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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