and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
