You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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