I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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