it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
