Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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