im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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