don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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