just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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