He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
