the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
