I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize