I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
